When no one even gets your name right.. do you even matter?
The Crisis of Being Unseen: exploring the theme of neglect, loneliness and search for validation in Neil Gaiman's gothic universe
Caroline (2009), the gothic masterpiece movie that revolves around the struggles of an 11 year old girl trying to fit into the world that neglects her, is without a doubt one of my favourite movies. While i slightly prefer Neil Gaiman’s novel but i think film adaptation did wonderful job visualizing Caroline's journey through loneliness, neglect and her search for validation.
But don't worry lads — this isn't a movie review. It's just a breakdown of a few details that captures the tragedy of isolation and how the unfilled void of loneliness can make you the easy victim of exploitation.
Identity
When Coraline moved to her new neighbourhood, she constantly struggled with one small but telling detail: correcting her name. “It's Coraline, not Caroline”— whether it was those flashy fortune tellers or the circus master, everyone seemed to get it wrong.
Internet is full of fan theories about this detail, people think that other characters pronounced her name wrong on purpose to protect her from the evil Other Mother. But let's be real: They didn't care enough to remember (and that's a far more unsettling truth).
Those who've spent a lifetime correcting their name (or worse just have settled for the wrong version) will resonate with this deeply. Especially if it happens in childhood — that's the first cruel lesson in how easily the world can neglect you. (…. because same)
It felt like every character in the movie was just busy living in their own world and wrapped in their own stories. They were only pretending to listen to Coraline, but all they cared about was getting back to their own conversation...even if her name wasn't worth remembering to them.
Names are our identity, our first label. And when no one makes the effort to say your name right, it shows that they're not really paying attention to your story. They're not listening to understand, they're just listening to respond.
As Douglas Adams in his book said: “If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, he thought their mouths probably seize up.” (Hitchhiker's Guide To Galaxy #1)
Neglect And Isolation
Coraline’s parents weren't physically or emotionally abusive, they were just preoccupied. (and i would blame capitalism for that). They failed to prioritise her daughter who was just simply craving companionship from her parents. Sometimes, parents get so caught up in building a better future for their children that they forget to enjoy the small pleasures of the present.
And here i might just have to bring up The Little Prince reference, because to be real, nobody critiques (ok, maybe disses) adults better than our boy. In the story The Little Prince often calls out grown-up for being obsessed with practical and materialistic needs, so much so that they lose touch with reality and forget to cherish the intangible, fleeting yet deeply precious moment of life.
Neglect can be heartbreaking, especially when it comes from someone special (friends, family or your cat) it cuts much deeper. But neglect from anyone can make you feel like a background character in the adult world.
You feel isolated in a crowded world. Emotional isolation in childhood is often invisible, it may not leave bruises but it can leave voids that sometimes echoes when you're alone with your own thoughts. And when you're left to your own devices with a sprinkle of loneliness it eventually comes at a cost.
Search For Validation
Loneliness and boredom can have particularly negative effects, especially on someone struggling with a sense of emptiness. Coraline yearned for her parents companionship, but she was constantly left alone.
She experienced both physical and emotional isolation and… isolation when prolonged, can distort one's perception making fantasy more appealing than reality. Hyper independence often emerges as a coping mechanism in such situations. In Coraline's case her obsession with the other world seemed to serve the fantasy of everything, she was missing in her real life. When you don't receive attention where you need it the most, you start looking elsewhere. But the grass isn't always greener on the other side.
The Other Mother fulfilled Coraline's every fantasy, she cooked her favourite meals, acknowledged how people mispronounced her name, and made every effort to make her feel seen. Her main tactic was love bombing her with enough affection to lure her into the trap. (that's what exactly he did).
There's a saying that devil doesn't come dressed as a monster, but as everything you ever wished for. I can't help but mentioning the A24 film Heretic. I love this movie not necessarily for the plot, but i love watching a British man yapping about his nerdy little interests. I guess im getting distracted…anyway back to the point.
The plot of the movie Heretic revolves around a similar theme of manipulation and control. Mr. Reed with his charming personality (and british accent) was able to trap the characters. He was clam, intellectual yet at the same time unsettling. Well articulated with his words, armed with philosophical knowledge and Radiohead listener, embodying all the charactersitcs of the Male Manipulator Archetype ™ (sarcasm).
It just goes to show that you don't have to be clever to manipulate… just appealing enough to feed the void of someone's validation.
Conclusion
Love is the strongest force in the world. It's transformative power can heal emotional wounds and break down emotional walls. But when we don't receive it from the places we crave it the most, we gravitate towards places that feed our fantasy of love, even if it brings chaos. That's how we end up in horrifying cycles, not because we're masochist but because we simply long for comfort of being held, even if it's by claws instead of hands.
But wait did you realize i misspelled Coraline's name in the first paragraph?
excellent piece! loved the graphics used, too. coraline is such an in-depth piece of art, truly multi-layered
The little prince mentioned :O you have a great taste in books and films for sure. Also a banger line to end this one off. Coraline I watched first when I was really young and I clearly remember being disturbed by it but not really understanding why, then I watched it when I was a bit older still disturbed by it but at least this time I understood it, I'm still creeped out by the film to this day though. It has such an eerie way of representing things that I haven't seen replicated since and which makes it such a unique movie. You captured the themes perfectly with this.